Emily Eslami - Black Vipers & Cold Rocks (Precepts pt 4 - Sex & Desire)

"I lack therefore I want. I get what I want and I want more. I get what I want and it didn’t make me happier, so I’m going to push it away. This is why we sit.

We're not advocating for celibacy or abstinence, We're advocating for awareness; for looking very carefully at yourself and your actions at all times." - Emily Eslami

In the latest installment of her all encompassing and ever timely precept series, Emily takes on that stickiest and trickiest of precepts - "Not holding excessive desires," aka not misusing sex. But what can we lay people learn about this most seductive of desires from a celibate monastic tradition? Fortunately Emily is here to give us a raw look at the real lives and trials of these monks all while trying to answer the question of what to do with our own desires and how to handle the hurt they might inevitably involve. From Buddhist sex scandals, to the right and wrongs way to show a sex worker your gratitude, to a formerly married monastic couple slipping off in the woods to renew (/test?) their vows right under Buddha's scolding gaze, Emily gives us the full story in a must listen episode for anyone out there who's ever wrestled with any kind of desire. What do we truly want when we want?? Find out here!

Dave Cuomo - Zen's Golden Dark Age (History of Zen)

"If you want to know why Zen survived, light the incense, do the sit, and listen. It's what the koans describe, what Dogen tried to explain. There's nothing that could go away, nothing to defend..." - Dave Cuomo

Dave brings us the epic tale of Zen's golden age, when the great masters we know and love from the koans could enlighten you with a single well timed word, a shout, a blow from their stick, or a simple lift of an eyebrow. But it turns out this golden age was also a mini dark age! Just as Zen is flourishing, China spends 200 years in the chaos and confusion of a crumbling society. Did Zen have a special answer for these dark times? And why did it flourish so spectacularly while everything else fell apart around it? Can we believe our own legends or it all just clever PR? Let’s find out…

Wilcox Gwynne - No Trigger Warning Needed (What Was I Doing There??)

“I feel like the right books and the right person always came at the right time. There's been a seamless way of following the practice where I’m not sure which one is leading the other.” - Wilcox Gwynne

In a warm and generous telling, former ACZC resident Wilcox shares the story of what they were doing and why they were here. From a quaker upbringing to aspiring ballet pro, through motherhood, relationships, and all the twists and turns of life, Wilcox gives us a revealing look at how practice deals with trauma, the challenges of sitting when everything gets torn apart, and what might come together when we find our way home to sit in the quiet acceptance of community.

Emily Eslami - Nothing to Lose (The Precept pt 3 - No Stealing)

"Please remember this “no stealing” precept. It is the ultimate recognition that you have nothing to lose. Even if you, your whole body, is stolen by somebody, your whole mind by somebody, you have not lost anything." - Kobun Chino

In our ongoing in depth precept series, Emily takes on the second grave precept - No Stealing. By which we mean, is it even possible to steal? What do we have to lose, and what is there that could possibly be taken from us? It's a simple sounding rule with no easy answers! Fortunately Emily is on the case to expertly walk us through all the implications and contradictions, from the basic lessons of who gets harmed when we engage in illicit gain (ourselves of course), to how to completely protect yourself from every thief and burglar out there (see title...). With thousands of years of expert Zen advice and Emily and the sangha's own stories of moral quandaries, gains, and losses, this is the story of our togetherness and our separateness dancing together in the groundless realization that there is nothing but gain where we have nothing to lose.

Dave Cuomo - The Beautiful Boring of Blockhead (History of Zen - Shitou vs Mazu!)

“Get to know your own heart. It isn’t permanent or impermanent. It isn’t good or bad. It is clear and perfect.” - Shitou

Dave returns to pickup our storyline to find that almost as soon as Zen had coalesced itself into one cohesive school of Buddhism, Shitou & Mazu come along and split into two separate streams that will run next to each other for the next 1300 years all the way down to today. It's a story of the beautifully boring side of Zen vs the wacky and weird that will become Soto vs Rinzai in later generations. Along the way we see the birth of three stooges Zen in the koans, and get treated to a loving rendition of Shitou's classic poem "Grass Hut Song" about the quiet nothingness warmly embracing everything.

Emily Eslami - First Gift (The Precepts pt 2 - Not Killing)

“All the rules & commandments out there are trying to anticipate a situation. But right action, acting in the moment of an actual situation, can only happen in the moment of doing.” - Emily Eslami

In her ongoing deep dive into the precepts, Emily takes on precept number one - No Killing! Which sounds simple, until she starts walking us through an honest look at the utter impossibility of such a thing.... Fortunately Emily is on the case armed with classic koans and thousands of years of commentary, and a wealth of personal deliberation and confusion one how to live a life without harm in a universe composed of infinite suffering. What do we do if we accidentally step on a bee (relax)? What kind of belief system has breaking the rules built into the rules (this one!)?? How is not being enlightened already not killing (whoa)? And how could we even destroy what we are already part of (exactly!)?? Find out here!

Dave Cuomo - Inconceivable! (The Vimalakirti Sutra - pt 2)

"The freedom, or liberation, she’s talking about is one that all of us inherently possess, and one that only we can grant to our selves. And it’s also a freedom that no one could ever take away from you no matter what they do..." - Dave Cuomo

The thrilling conclusion to our two part series on the Vimalakirti sutra! Dave continues the story with the classic goddess chapter, where everyone's favorite no BS goddess gives Sariputra the business for his worst ideas on gender roles and enlightenment. Also, we get Dogen's hot take on the whole sutra, a visit from some benevolent sweet smelling aliens, heavenly take out is ordered, and so much more!

Dave Cuomo - Thank You For Being (The Vimalakirti Sutra - pt 1)

“There is no good or bad. its all just the universe learning through trial and error. So go out, do good or screw up. And whatever you do and whatever you’ve been through, thanks. We’re all better off for it.” - Dave Cuomo

In this extended two part podcast, Dave brings us a thorough cliff notes reading  of the Vimalakirti Sutra! An epic story of right and wrong complete with miracles and magic, bodhisattvas breaking all the rules, benevolent aliens, devils disguised as gods, snarky gender bending goddesses, and through it all Buddha finally answering the question of why the world is so screwed up and whether or not there's anything we can do about it. The plot revolves around our hero Vimalakirti, everyone’s favorite enlightened layman, who is suffering from a mysterious illness that just might be the root cause of all sickness and suffering in the world! Will he get better? Will we get to the heart of suffering and end it once and for all? Let’s find out… 

Erik Andersen - The Poor Way

“This is poor man’s Buddhism - we don’’t have the resources to carry around bundles of scrolls with us, we don’t have the time to memorize sutras. Zen is about self sufficiency, autonomy, freedom. It’s a simpler way….” - Erik Andersen

In an lightly amusing and deeply enlightening talk, Erik takes us on a very deep dive into a very short story as he gives us a close reading of Prajnatara’s classic three sentence tale of a very poor practice. Along the way we discuss the Zen shortcut to to truly mindful breathing, how to properly speed read the scriptures (hey look, there they go again!), self care, Zen mysticism, Lion's dens, Elephants, and fox tracks (oh my!)

Emily Eslami - On Shaky Ground (The Precepts pt 1 - Historical Background)

"True precepts are changeable and at the same time unchangeable. And the consequence of not following them is just being on shaky ground. According to Buddhism you could live your whole life on shaky ground if you choose...” - Emily Eslami

In the long awaited premier to Emily's new in depth series on the precepts, she takes us on a wild ride through 2500 years of making and breaking the rules, as we whittle an unwieldy set of hundreds of vows down to the familiar 16 that we Zennies know and love today. Join us as we find Buddha laying down the law about the proper relationship one should have with a monkey (respectful of course...) and when the appropriate time to wear owl feathers is (sadly, never). And then we catch up with Dogen as he makes his way to China and has his monkhood (gasp!) questioned by the emperor himself for an apparent lack of concern for said owl feathers and monkey rules. Along the way we question what it means to make impossible vows (everything!) and ultimately who we answer to when we break them (only ourselves!).

Emily Eslami - Old Bones, Dull Brains (Ceaseless Practice pt 2!)

“There is no scarcity of beautiful scenery. The flowers know how to laugh, and the birds know how to sing. The autumn leaves shrivel. Situations are just as they are. There is nothing to pursue. “ - Dogen

Emily brings us Dogen at his most poignant and poetic as he gives us a rousing pep talk for practice, complete with inspiring stories and exhortations on giving up everything except for all of the bounty you already possess in every moment. Fame and profit? Who needs it. The body? No big deal! Its the endless path of existential ease, and Dogen and Emily are the perfect team to inspire us to it.

Dave Cuomo - Stillness Screaming

“Nobody in the universe can tell me what right and wrong is except for me. And thats a lonely feeling. I kind of wish someone could tell me sometimes… But what’s funny is even I can’t tell myself what right and wrong is. It’s like listening for stillness. It’s something you can only know when the moment occurs.” - Dave Cuomo

Dave opens up his own inquiry into the precepts with a deep look at the sounds of silence that ultimately animate everything we do. Dragon's moan, persimmon's speak, and a snake loses its head in a free wheeling talk filled with poetry that reads like koans, koans that read like poetry, and to top it all off Dave throws in some personal stories of the times when doing it wrong had a peculiar way of turning out perfectly right. Does practicing stillness mean we have to be quiet? (Yeah, no...) Does a practice of not knowing mean we can't tell right from wrong? (No! But sort of kind of yes?) Is Zen actually amoral? (Ok, that one's an easy no.) Let's discuss!

Sara Campbell - The Fuzzy That Is Neither Warm Nor Cold (What Am Doing Here??)

"There was definitely a moment where I was like, 'Oh my god what am I doing here?? These are rituals... I don't know if I'm that kind of person.'

But once I got past the strangeness and got to really sink into it, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt something holy." - Sara Campbell

In a glowing reminder of what exactly we're doing here and why we do it, Sara generously shares her personal practice story of turning her back on church and finding the sacred that lies just beyond the strange. She tells us about losing trust in yourself only to realize yourself as part of something much, much bigger. And, in a tradition admittedly short on coddling, she reminds us about the community of freak and geeks that kept her coming back and the warm fuzzies that have a way of sneaking in through the cracks when you're not even looking.

And if you love blog like newsletters and great writing, be sure to check out and subscribe to Sara’s newsletter, Tiny Revolutions at tinyrevolutions.substack.com!

Dave Cuomo - Is This Working??

"There is somewhere to escape to, there is a better you. But it’s just right here, it’s just you already. And for some stupid reason it takes a crap ton of zazen to understand that..." - Dave Cuomo

Dave tries to answer the question of whether our zazen is actually working with an in depth look at Dongshan's Five Ranks and the last time Soto Zen accidentally created a gradated system for practice.

Cat Kilmer - What Am I Doing Here?? (Love & Reality)

"Everyone says love is key to the human experience, but no one can agree what it means. But the idea that zazen is just sitting, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with you that you need to fix… It felt like I'd never been accepted before. I had to clamp my mouth shut not to laugh." - Cat Kilmer

In our ongoing series of sangha members sharing their personal practice stories, Cat Kilmer takes us on a quest of love and non duality through ashrams, yoga studios, and heartbreaks to find revelations, disillusionments, and an ultimately simple little truth beckoning to us from the wall.

Emily Eslami - Ceaseless Practice

“We’re surrounded by days of monotony, and yet here’s Dogen telling us that this one day of ceaseless practice can never be found again. These days of monotony can never be found again.” - Emily Eslami

In another timely talk, Emily tackles Dogen's "Ceaseless Practice," where Dogen opens up in personal terms about his own struggles with the frustrations of an endless practice. How is giving up practice is still part of practice? What do they mean "let go of letting go of attachments" and can we still love our loved ones? How does our practice create the whole universe?? How can we make friends with time and play video games like the whole world depends on it??? Join us for a loving look at these days of monotony we will never see again.

Dave Cuomo - Having Once Paused (History of Zen - Ikkyu)

“I know it’s nothing but then I taste the world’s sweet juicy plum. How is this fake dream so beautiful? All of its craziness, why?” - Ikkyu

In a special History of Zen, Dave turns to the life and poetry of Ikkyu to try to answer the question of how Zen has historically responded to times of crisis. In Ikkyu’s case the answer was great art, bad behavior, and a desperate need to get to the ultimate truth of a world that felt like it had left any such thing behind. Join us as Dave brings us his compelling life story along with some bawdy and beautiful poetry, including an extended reading from Stephen Berg's classic free verse translations “Crow With No Mouth.”

Emily Eslami - Equanimity

“Why crave happiness, why push away the sadness. Why not just let everything be? We put so much energy into resisting the things we have no control over (which is actually everything), it’s a little silly.” - Emily Eslami

Emily wraps up her series on the Bramaviharas with the very timely subject of equanimity or, how to be cool without going cold.

Jason Dodge - What Am I Doing Here?

“I came here on a monday night and it was like, wow, a bunch of weirdos staring at a wall, this is where I need to be. I still don’t know what I’m doing here but I think thats a good thing.” - Jason Dodge

Jason Dodge tells us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here, while just maybe we learn something about those things for ourselves. In an especially warm and fuzzy installment, the sangha doubles down and shares their own stories too!